by Brittany Brame
God and I have had a complicated relationship. Our relationship has been challenging even before I arrived at BUP. Being here has not made it any easier. I have doubted God. I have questioned God. I have asked him, “Why am I here Lord?” But there have been moments where I am reminded of how powerful, mighty, and caring God is. When I have seen young kids roughly playing in the streets and going places in the neighborhood by themselves I am reminded of how wide God’s arms of protection are around his children.
The times that I have questioned him have been a plenty. Especially, during the first few days when we just did a bunch of Bible study. I believe I am what they call a “baby Christian,” even though I have gone to church all of my life. I have only recently started pursuing God on my own. During the Bible studies I get frustrated because I feel like I am not as theological as the other BUP participants. The questions that would follow the main passages from the Bible would confuse me because I wasn’t able to process them fast enough but I also did not understand the reasoning behind some of the conclusions that the leaders of the bible study presented. I’m still learning and growing but I cannot help but feel like everyone knows something that I don’t know.
The first day I was a bit emotional and it reminded of the first day of camp jitters where you know as a kid that you were about to embark on the best summer of your life, while also getting ready to throw up because you realize you don’t get to go on any of those adventures with the people you love, like your family. Getting only to share those memories through Polaroid pictures and personal anecdotes. I will be going on these adventures and sharing these memories with strangers who will either become my best friends or they will become people I knew at one point in my life. So, first day of camp butterflies in your stomach ensue and you begin to smell like wet grass and you eat the really good camp food that your mother never allowed you to eat at home.
I have doubts, fears, and hesitant optimism for the rest of my journey at BUP. I’ll be working at the Joyful Journey Day Camp. Which I’m super excited about because I love camp. Which I can explain more as the summer goes on 🙂 I will be doing my resource classes in dance, Frisbee, ASL, and sewing.
I am sure I will have plenty to write about in the coming weeks. So I will continue to trust in God and that he has a plan.
by Brittany Brame