Alright, so God’s been doing some work. Here in Baltimore, I’ve been working at the Joyful Journey Day Camp five days a week. It involves a lot of chasing children, messy crafts, and stellar field trips. Even when the kids are running me ragged, they are stealing my heart. It already makes me sad to think about leaving them.
As much as I love it, there have been some pretty tough parts, too. Each of the counselors has a group of about 5 kids and we call our groups “squads”. My squad has two people in it right now. You probably think that sounds like I go the best end of the deal. However, it feels kind of unfair for me to have less and the mother hen in me would love to have a full nest. That’s not the tough part; I love my squad so much. The tough part has been the lack of consistency.
I started out with four kids. Two didn’t show up. One has stayed since the beginning. One got sent home in the first week, and we’ll call him Jack (name changed). I won’t go into everything that happened with Jack, but it ended with me having spit in my face. Honestly, that still wasn’t the hard part. God was being gracious with his patience and he was being my strength in those situations. The hard part was that Jack wasn’t coming back to camp. Jack had a difficult time listening and obeying and I knew he carried some heavy baggage from home. But, I felt like we were getting somewhere with discipline and a relationship. I wanted him to stay at camp to be safe and loved.
I was confused why God decided that Jack shouldn’t stay. Why would God bring him into my life for such a short number of days? I have a history of doing things by my own power and not God’s, but this time I was relying on God through the challenge. It’s been a pretty hard thing for me to deal with.
God hasn’t told me point blank why it had to be this way and I may never know, but I am realizing some stuff through wrestling with God:
- I am not a savior. Even though I was depending on God’s strength to create a relationship with Jack, I am not the one who can change his life. Only God can do that.
- God can use me in more ways than just my physical appearance in Jack’s life. After the first day of camp, I figured God had a reason for putting Jack in my squad. I was so excited to see how God’s plan would unfold. However after seeing him leave, God has been showing me that knowing Jack and what he carries means that I can be a prayer warrior for him. I had the privilege of meeting Jack while he was still young, so I can be praying over him for the rest of his life.
- There is a reason. I don’t know what God has planned, but He holds Jack’s life in his hands. God knows why Jack only made it through the first few days of camp. God will bring the right people into his life to love on and mentor him.
I may never see the fruits of what God does in Jack’s life, but that’s the whole point of faith right? Trusting God with the things we can’t see and the things we may never get to see.