by Colette Aroh
As I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
Oh in true agony, please hear my song
Heal the pain of my shattered heart with your love strong
Dry my eyes of the tears I weep,
Hold my hand as I take this leap
Of faith into your arms, and your outstretched palm
Your unwavering love keeping me calm
May Your Spirit fill me
To be filled with Your grace is my only plea.
So the last few weeks have been extremely difficult and I have felt my heart fully broken and mended with only the unconditional love of God and indescribable power of The Spirit. In the beginning I relied on my own physical logic and power to process the experiences gained, but that grew increasingly tiring and eventually impossible. It was only after fully submitting to the will of God that I began to have more hope in dealing with so much brokenness in my life, and finally had the cleared vision to see the immense beauty that surrounded me. From engaging in the beloved stoop culture to emotionally bonding with the kids I teach, this emotional rollercoaster through this extremely tiring time has left me feeling worn, changed, and invigorated. No longer can I maintain a weary passiveness about issues, and no longer is “just going through the motions” of life, enough for me. I had to be fully broken down for my walls of insecurities, selfishness, and superiority to shatter. And I’m so much more attuned to God and his love than I have ever been in my entire life, which though it scares me that the cloak of ignorance has been stripped off, no more do I have a severe hopelessness when I think of the huge issues like racism and sexism, but am instead incredibly curious to hear God’s plan for my life and how he’s going to use me to do his will.